Information Desk?

Call this a spin-off post.

Former SID has inspired me with the following.

"4) We are not the person whom you call to ask when the pool is open. This is for you, people. Call the front desk. Or check the website."

Amen to that. I think some people take the "information" part a little too literally.

Not only am I not the person to answer that question, I'm also not the person to ask about:

- If you can buy a membership for our pool/fitness center/whatever and how much it costs.

- The cost/date/location of a youth sports camp/tournament that one of our coaches runs FOR A PROFIT. If I'm expected to answer these questions, then I expect to get paid extra, just like our coaches make extra money off these camps.

- What our coaches' phone numbers are. They are ALL on our web site. If you can find mine, then you can find theirs.

- Who won today's/yesterday's/last week's game. This is OK if you are media our another SID. Otherwise, wait a little bit and it'll be on our hotline (you obviously have a phone) or on our web site.

- When the last time we missed the conference/NCAA/whatever Playoffs in sport X was. This is geared to alumni. Don't call me to ask for information when your sole purpose for asking is to go post on some message board how Coach Winsomemore isn't getting the job done.

- When an intramural/club/wellness event is. I know some of you may be stuck dealing with a club or "varsity club" (whatever THAT means) sport, but we have a Wellness Director who has time to take those calls.

Here's what we are not

Sports Information Directors are the media relations professionals who keep the various news organizations in touch with what is happening in the athletic department.

Here, however, is what we are not:

1) We are not your disc jockey. If you want music played between innings, get one of your JV players acquainted with the CD player. (In my day it was a tape deck, with the same damn six tapes. I saved Bruce Springsteen's Glory Days for the bottom of the ninth.) If the dance team needs something played so they can perform, they better have a coach or a friend who knows what track to play. We are not the person who lines up the National Anthem singer. Perhaps your team manager knows someone or one of your very helpful boosters can step up to the mic.

2) We are not your setup and teardown crew. If you need a scoreboard console set up, a public address system turned on, a tarp removed, that's what equipment managers, assistant coaches, work-study students, etc., are for.

3) We are not your sign-maker. Seriously, if I had 10 bucks for every time a coach asked me to make a sign to hang somewhere I would still be an SID, because I could afford to feed my family with it. That's fine if you don't know how to use InDesign or Quark, because that's understandable. But Word is pretty easy to master. I'm not your stat-fetcher either, but thankfully those are all available on the Net now. Guess that shows my age.

4) We are not the person whom you call to ask when the pool is open. This is for you, people. Call the front desk. Or check the website.

5) We are not your schedule-maker. I've never been asked to schedule games but some of my colleagues have. Ridiculous.

6) We are not an extra van driver on road trips. We are not going to warm up the pitcher or coach first base. We're not keeping the book for the baseball game (although maybe we should, because your players are the most biased scorekeepers I've seen).

However, on a nice day, I wouldn't mind playing first base in an intrasquad game, or shooting threes in a basketball drill if the coaches want to take on the players.

I've played in an alumni game. I've written Hall of Fame plaques. I've created websites from scratch for events nobody remembers.

But it's when I was asked repeatedly to do items 1, 2, 3, 4 and 6 that I got out of the business. After all, why work 60 hours a week when you can work 40 and get paid a reasonable salary?

Why aren't our scores in the (insert BIG DAILY newspaper here)?

“Why aren’t our scores getting in the newspapers in Florida and Pennsylvania?”

“Why don’t the TV stations come to our games?”

“Why do men’s sports get more coverage than women’s sports?”

I’M SICK OF THESE QUESTIONS!

But I digress . . . back to that later.

First of all, I want to know why the disgruntled alumni and parents who ask the above questions don’t call me directly? Why the AD, public relations director, athletic fundraiser, etc.? I hate having to explain through a third party who then has to relay the information back to the person who is bitching. Sometimes I wouldn’t mind getting a phone call directly so that I can tell them my side of things.

Back to the above questions. We go through this every year at some point, especially with the God of all sports, basketball. And every year I try to explain to my coaches that as long as I’m doing my job – reporting results via any means necessary (email, faxing, phone calls), letting media know about upcoming games, following up on information that was sent to make sure it was received, etc. – that’s about all that can be done.

WE CAN’T TELL THE NEWSPAPERS, TV STATIONS, RADIO STATIONS WHAT TO COVER! Duh . . . And the Associated Press protocol is not that difficult to understand. They send the score out to all of their outlets. But it’s up to the individual newspaper what to print. Seems to me that a newspaper in Florida may not necessarily be interested in the score of a small college in Virginia.

It’s interesting – we’ve started to encourage our alumni to contact their newspapers directly to ask about our scores getting printed. And they’re finding out exactly what I have! Some papers just don’t care about Division III, and will not even print scores from non-Division I schools. So even if I’m sending them our results (which I’ll keep doing no matter what – I’m sure they love the paper trail of faxes and the endless emails – insert evil laugh here) – they’re not going in anyway!

I know some of this sounds defeatist and negative. We still need to do our jobs, part of which is sending out results to any and all media who MIGHT be interested. But people need to also TRUST that we’re doing our jobs (some of us have been in this biz for quite a while now) and quit questioning every single thing we do. Especially if they’ve never taken the time to actually learn about our profession and what it’s all about.

Oh and by the way, regarding results on the website. If I can only update our website from my office which is in a stupid location in our gym, the game is over at 8:45 and I have to make copies and distribute stats and also handle media interviews and clean up press row, most likely the score will not be on the website by 9:00! We don't all have great courtside technology that allows us to do everything instantly. People need to have PATIENCE!

Can't You See I'm Working?

I'm sure you've all been down this road, mostly at basketball games:

You're busy wrapping up a game file, printing stats, etc., at your scorers' table. Out of the corner of your eye, you notice a graying, middle-aged man (let's face it, it's always DAD) looming nearby.

You briefly shut your eyes and take a deep breath.

"Oh shit. If I ignore him, he'll go away. If I ignore him, he'll go away. If I ignore him, he'll go away. If I ignore him, he'll go away. "

But he doesn't go away.

It's Big Poppa Stat-Hound, the SID's worst post-game nightmare. He sidles up, trying to play it cool.

"Can you tell me how many points #23 had?"

Look. We get that you're #23's dad. Or, in rare instances, the father of the player who was guarding #23. Just save us both the embarassment and say so.

At any rate, I'd like to know why you can't just go home and look at the box score online, which I'll have on our web site within 20 MINUTES AFTER THE GAME ENDS.

I'm working. Please go away. Do I come to your job and and interrupt you to ask you what my aunt's taxes look like or how many support beams you're using in the latest building you're constructing?

Oh. You're also definitely NOT getting a copy of the stats when they print out. Don't stalk my work study kids when they're busy delivering them to coaches.

Scheduling issues -- overlaps, Sunday games, holiday tournaments, etc.

OK, so I cannot complain too much about the transition from fall to winter sports, as our fall teams have not advanced to any NCAA play recently. I do wish we had more success in the fall, but whatever. And thank the Lord I don’t have two season-opening basketball tip-off tournaments. Four games in two days is enough – eight games in three days – major hoops overload, despite it being one of my favorite sports.

But this spring sports thing is getting ridiculous. Our baseball season begins FEBRUARY 5TH – at home, of course. And of course we have a home basketball game that day. And of course our students are just returning from a break that day, so I have to pull people off the streets to help with the games.

I know that there are some conferences out there that forbid spring contests from starting until March. Same thing with winter sports (i.e. swimming) – nothing until November. Of course, if you have really good basketball, you’ll still have an overlap with NCAAs. But baseball FEBRUARY 5TH – closely followed by the beginning of softball, lacrosse, tennis, and don’t forget golf – is nuts.

Speaking of schedules – what is up with SUNDAY GAMES? At the previous school I worked at, we did not have as many Sunday events as at my current school. And it seems that every year it just gets worse. I’ve already done the math on my spring (and still WINTER) schedule – beginning Feb. 18-19 and going THROUGH April 1-2 – we have SEVEN STRAIGHT WEEKENDS with home games for “major sports” (not including tennis) both Saturday AND Sunday. Am I then expected to work a five-day 9-to-5 week PLUS weekdat afternoon games when I am in the office until 9:00 or 10:00 finishing stats, writing stories, sending out results, updating websites, etc.? I NEED TIME TO DO LAUNDRY AND PAY BILLS!

Maybe you’ve figured out this is a one-person sports information office. No intern, no coach helping in the off-season, etc. etc. God bless students, but it seems to me that a.) they’re REALLY BUSY and b.) sometimes they are not reliable. Not trying to stereotype here – I said “sometimes”. But I feel that when we have games, I must be on campus to oversee things, even when students are working games.

Add to all of this that we don’t really have a “scheduling coordinator” at our school. Coaches make their own schedules and there isn’t really a watchdog. That could mean FOUR HOME GAMES IN ONE DAY. The only real “rule” we have is when we have a home football game, other sports must start their games at 11:00 or 3:00.

And by the way, I’m also sick of having to cut my Christmas vacation short every year for holiday basketball tournaments that nobody comes to because students are on break and local fans are enjoying time with their families. Can’t we do it every other year maybe? In fact, this year we had a pre-holiday tournament, again after our students had already left. Just not a great scheduling move. Of course, be careful what you wish for – no holiday tournaments could mean the dreaded double tip-off tournaments. So I’ll stop there.

STOP THE MADNESS! I wish I could do all of the schedules! We’d never have more than two major sports playing at home on the same day fall and winter, and the overlap would be drastically reduced.

Plus, would that mean a PAY RAISE?

Thanks for your support.

Pocket Schedule Blues

This is going to hurt.

Today, I tackle the spring pocket schedule. A composite of dates and times sure to be at least partially incorrect by the first date listed. A spring schedule and grass fields in the mid-atlantic region, what could possibly go wrong?

I go through this three times a year. Fall. Winter. Spring.

I throw in the sports, then send it off to the printer with a clever disclaimer about dates and times being subject to change. I even offer several alternatives as to where to find up to the very last second schedules in several locations.

And the phone call or the email invaribly comes after the first make-up game.

“My niece's softball team played so-and-so yesterday, and I missed it because it was not on my pocket schedule,” the conversation will start.

“Yes, ma’am,” I’ll reply masking my contempt. “That was a make-up game from the double-header rained out last week. On your schedule, there are alternative options for more current schedules.”

“Well, I didn’t see them…” she’ll counter.

And we’re off.

So, to you Aunt X, and all of the people of your ilk, I offer this special disclaimer on the bottom of the schedule:

Dates and times are subject to change... without me personally calling you, emailing you, IMing you, sending you smoke signals, or engaging in any other un-enumerated acts of interpersonal communication. There is a phone number and a web site prominently listed here and several other places informing you where to locate a schedule with changes due to weather, field availability, conflicts of a religious nature, terrorist attacks, or any other act of God or fucking man that was not foreseen when the original contract was drawn or schedule was printed.

If you are too old to know how to use the Internet, and still have the pulse technology phone because you are too old for touch-tone, please die so that the monthly raping I enjoy in the social security box of my pay stub may one day bear fruit for me. By the way, if you enjoy a large amount of wealth, please leave a good portion of it earmarked to this institution’s sports information office that I may hire a qualified assistant. I hate to bitch, but my experiments in growing an arm out of my ass have all been tremendous failures, and I have to mention, the results have been quite uncomfortable.

Understand that by having read the first seven words of this disclaimer, I remove myself from any responsibility for you driving somewhere on the wrong date and time. Also understand that when you contact me, you are the idiot AND the asshole.

Oh, you’re a tree murdering douchebag too. Make sure you recycle it it when you're through.